"They're Back!" From the moment the doors flew open to the 14th Annual Fiery-Foods Show, I knew I would have many close encounters with Chileheads. These aliens, who answer to the higher power of Heat, descended into the halls of the Albuquerque Convention Center in droves. I wasn't prepared for the added excitement this show would bring to me as "Mrs. Gecko."

As most know, I am Gecko Gary. Not the mortal man for whom the company is named, but the costumed blue gecko for which the company is named and known. Don't get me wrong. I like to wear the digs. It's my alter ego. I can dance, be silly, get attention, and be loved by all. This suits me. The suit doesn't. After last year's revelers started pulling my tail and knocking me over the head, I decided to change my suit to that of a bikini.

I slip out of my flaming pants and boots at the booth. Hey, people do the same thing daily at the beach. My bikini is secure. I am set to promote our products in the backyard barbecue setting of D-13. Our next door neighbor, D'Oni, is the indoor version of the suburban landscape. You just have to use your imagination. However, the backyard didn't seem to be radiating the heat that our non-fiction Scottsdale, Arizona home exudes. It is COLD! The heaters are trying to pump some warmth into the hall, but it isn't fast enough for me.

"Aren't you cold?" someone shouts as they walk past the booth.

I wish I had something clever to say. Of course, I am. In fact, I'm actually wishing to be that lovable lizard right about now, but that's plan B.

The crowd begins to ooze toward our booth. Unlike last year's sauntering through the halls, I decide to stay put. Gary and I start our mantra.

"Welcome to our backyard! How 'bout a sample of some Southwestern flavor?"

The first wave is eager. Giggles begin. A couple notices Gecko Gary in our little backyard pool. I figured if I wasn't going to wear the costume, it might as well be a fancy prop. They slowly bend down to inspect the aquatic lizard. The woman attempts to mount Gecko Gary for a photo op. I foil the plan immediately upon telling her that there are a dozen small water bottles hiding under the blue Easter grass fake water. Imagine sitting on those? Yikes!!! That might have made great prose!

I need a little break so I head down the hall to the restroom. I pass Bada Bing Bada Boom.

"Hey, Bada!" I yell.

He responds with some sort of mobster/gangster arm gesture. He plays the part well. His sauces are always a hit. Oh, I didn't mean that "hit" thing literally.

Right across the way I get some looks from the handsome three of Hot Wachulas. Talk about making a girl feel great! As a 35-year-old mother of two, I wasn't sure about the swimsuit thing. I guess I made the right decision.

"Come here," yells Matt. "You need a tattoo!"

Okay. I got myself into this. I suppose I can be hip too.

"All right, guys, lay it on me."

We decide that I needed their catchy flame logo on the back of my right shoulder. Cliff agrees to tattoo me. He applies the temporary  patch on my skin with cold water. Gee, just when I was starting to warm up. I left them feeling hot and cool at the same time.

Just before the restroom I spot a crowd of men in a big line near The Gifted Cowboy. I didn't realize how gifted he was until I saw a sunset. That would be Sunset Thomas, the Penthouse Playmate and Bunny Ranch employee. if you will. The thoughts of drawing attention to myself in a bikini fade quickly. I am now completely confident to stroll to my destination.

"Look at that chick in the bikini! Doesn't she know it's the middle of winter at 31 degrees?"

It's a theme, Lady…I think to myself. Come by my backyard, and you'll see.

Upon my return to the booth, I run into Gary from Blair's. He does a double take.

"I know it's not the gecko suit, but at least I'm cooler this year." I comment

"I like this suit much better," says my other favorite Gary. He gives me a hug and goes on.

It's now time for Gecko Gary to make an appearance. Mortal Gary has the crowd going. He's touting them to Thai Juan On. No, not by drinking tequila, but by sampling our new hot sauce. I get a quick kiss from my booth buddy, and it's off to change.

I'm heading for the backdrop curtains in the first aisle. It's quiet and I don't have to spoil the surprise for anyone who sees me get into costume. I appear from the entrance right into a family of little ones. Posing for several pictures, I start my act down the halls. I scurry as quickly as possible to my booth without incident. Whew!

It's time for more of the unexpected. In creating our cute backyard scene, I didn't take into account the child-like affect it would have on children. After all, this is The Fiery-Foods Show! It's where men and women prove they have the Chile Gravitas to handle the hot stuff. Why would so many children be there? HELLO!!!!!!! So here I am in a big Gecko Gary suit (best friend of Barney the dinosaur), with a kiddie swimming pool, Toys R Us fake play food on plates, and two beach chairs awaiting the wee folk. I returned and was immediately under siege. Quadruplets start tearing up the place. They are in the pool, throwing food, climbing on the chairs, and pushing me around. I was being attacked by a pack of two-year-olds! I look out to the aisle frantically for their mother, father, nanny, acquaintance, postal carrier…anyone who can retrieve these children and fast. I motion to Gary who is busy sampling. Invasion averted. But it isn't the last.

Our aisle is wall to wall consumers. Original Juan is sampling "The Source." It looks like "The Source" of great pain to some. I wish I had words to describe what 7.1 million Scoville units does to a person who dares to try it. The challenge ought to get them a guaranteed spot on the television show, Fear Factor. Or, at least get them considered for a Live with Regis and Kelly makeover.

Gary suggests that I get back in my other suit. He says he's not feeling too well. I figure it was all the fun we had at our party the night before the show. But he says it's more than that. His face is pale and he feels faint. I make a mad dash for the first aisle once again. It's gridlock. I become super gecko and super wife. I'm back in a flash. I get Amy from D'Oni to escort him to a room in the back of the building. I begin to work the booth feverishly. Craig Barton of Austin Spice Company stops by reminding me of our date for his cooking demo with the gecko on stage.

"I don't know if I'll make it. Gary's not well," I tell him.

He agrees to go and see him for me.

I'm used to seeing Texas Firehouse and the Mild to Wild Pepper Company in their fireman attire. I just am not prepared to see a crew on duty carting Gary out on a stretcher. Pepper Pope Dave DeWitt, Mary Jane, and Margaret of Sunbelt Shows are with him and in control.

"I'll meet you at the hospital," I scream as I run back to the booth for plan C.

Chile Pepper magazine, D'Oni, and The Spice Guys (our customers from Canada) jump into action to run Gecko Gary's booth. If there's one thing I can say about the Fiery-Foods Industry, friends are there for you when you need them. Here we are in a business where we're all competing to be the biggest and the greatest. Yet no company, big or small, denies one another its friendship or support. I love this business!

So, I spend the afternoon in the emergency room of St. Joseph's Hospital…me in my flame boots/pants and Gary in his flaming swimsuit. They are among the nicest group of doctors and nurses we have ever met. It turns out Gary's collapse is one of exhaustion. Dr. Head says it's a combination of altitude, stress, no food, lack of water, alcohol consumption, blood pooling from too much standing, and sleep deprivation. Gosh! Isn't that what trade shows are all about???

I head back to the show for the last of the crowd. As I run past the Peppers booth, I notice a bikini clad Brandy Burns doing her thing. Her tattoo is larger than mine! Oh well, she's also got her picture on a bottle of hot sauce. I make a mental note to discuss that with Gary on the drive home to Arizona.

Lights and cameras are congesting the booth down from us. It's Food Network's "Extreme Cuisine." I want like crazy to get the chance to promote Gecko Gary's. Boy, you get on FoodTV and you're assured of a good year. Ask CaJohn. His showcase on "Eat The Heat" had Christmas coming in March, May, October, and every time it aired. I try several times to get them to our booth to no avail. My heart is back in the hotel with Gary. We must not have made the producer's list of interesting characters. It wasn't written in the stars. Beam me up, Scotty.

But at least The Truth Is Out There, Fox Mulder. Our industry is finally being recognized. The Force is with us. This year at The Fancy Foods Show in San Francisco the trend was Hot. At the Fiery-Foods Show it's extra-hot-terrestrial! Booth space…the final frontier!

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