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Dave's Fiery Front Page

Exploring the World of Spice and Smoke
Tags >> humor

Scared Straight Turkey Tamales

Posted by: Lois Manno

Tagged in: recipe , new content , humor , history , fiery foods

 

Listen up, little dogs. All of you spoiled little chihuahuas, toy poodles, and terriers have had it too good for too long. Sitting at the screen door, barking at everyone, day in, day out, it's a poor choice for a life path. You're so lucky you don't have it like your ancestors did. Four hundred years ago, Mesoamerican people kept you little yappers to complement cooked veggies instead of handbags. Read more on the Burn! Blog here.


 

 

Condiment Gun

Roast My Weenie

Breast Bar

God-Grilla

You totally need every single one of these.  Really.  From top left, the Condiment Gun, from Firebox; Roast My Weenie, from the perverted folks at the company with the same name; the artistic, woodie-inducing Breast Bar, discovered somewhere on the web by Harald Zoschke (Happy Googling); and the astonishing God-Grilla, large enough to barbecue 1,000 sausages, 500 burgers, or two whole cows. Read about it on That'sNerdalicious!  And Happy Start of Summer, everyone!


Pepper Thieves

Posted by: Kelli Bergthold

Man Eating Pepper

From the pepper bandits who made off with more than 26,000 pounds of red peppers in Adra, Spain, to the pepper thief who stole 128 pounds of sweet peppers – valued at $20,000 – from a farm in California, chile peppers are definitely a hot commodity on the black market. But it’s not just humans who can’t help themselves to a bit of pepper pilfering.

Santa Fe, New Mexico residents Jamie Hascall and Dr. Betsy Brown were amazed not only to find a pack rat’s nest under the hood of their Subaru Forrester, but also by the Rat's Nestartful display of chile pods the rodent had collected from a nearby chile ristra that had fallen to the ground. It turns out that many different animals love peppers just as much as humans do. Birds, rodents, even dogs will grab the chance to sneak a bite of sweet peppers (even jalapeños) if the opportunity should arise. Because birds lack the kind of receptors on their tongues that cause humans to nibble habaneros carefully, they have a much higher tolerance for the capsaicin that makes peppers hot. In fact, many bird seed producers include dried chile pods and seeds in their seed mixes.

Next time  you’re prepping a spicy dish, or adding some fresh hatch chiles to the grill, make sure there are no would-be pepper felons hanging around, waiting for a taste!


Altoids BBQ
Mini BBQ from Instructables

You don’t have to be a kid to appreciate something as cool as a BBQ grill made out of an Altoids container. The model pictured is just one of many DIY designs that have been featured all over the Web. This grill is made using an Altoids Sours tin,  some sheet metal screws, metal nuts, and a couple of computer fan guards. Once constructed, place a briquette on the lower rack and light it from the bottom.  (Other grills have been made using gas and rectangular Altoids tins, too.) The grill heats up quite a bit, and it really can cook mini hamburgers or a full-size hot dog cut into segments. It may not be completely practical, but it sure works as a conversation starter at your next BBQ!

Try your hand at making a mini BBQ grill – check out the Instructables website for an easy-to-follow tutorial.


ThrowdownRippin’ Red Wing Sauce, the newest product from Rizzotti Foods, LLC will be going head to head with the one and only DEFCON Sauces! The gauntlet was thrown in a thread on peppersandmore.com in August, and both Rippin’ Red Wing Sauce and DEFCON have accepted the challenge.

“It is an honor and pleasure to challenge the mighty DEFCON sauces. We have nothing but respect and admiration for John Dilley and his products,” said Rizotti Foods owner John Rizzotti.Rippin Red Hot Wing Sauce

Hosted by Peppers and More, the contest will feature a blind taste test using tasters who have never tried either of the two sauces. The sauces will be judged on a list of four criteria, rating the food with a 1 to 5 number system, 5 being the best:

  1. How well does the sauce cling/stick to wings? 1-2-3-4-5
  2. Aroma? 1-2-3-4-5
  3. Color of sauce 1-2-3-4-5
  4. Overall taste? 1-2-3-4-5Defcon Sauces

To find out more about the Throwdown, visit www.scottrobertsweb.com, or read the original thread on www.peppersandmore.com!

Learn more about the challengers: DEFCON Sauces and Rippin' Red Wing Sauces.


End of the World BeerAt the BrewDog Micro Brewery, in Fraserburgh, Scotland, the whacked-out brewers have created the strongest and most expensive beer in the world.  In fact, it's called End of the World, and it's packaged in a taxidermied squirrel or stoat (weasel).  It's done through "Extreme ABV Brewing," and they have "frozen, hopped and oak-aged stronger beers than have ever before been made in the history of beer."  "ABV" is "alcohol by volume," and 55% means that the beer is 110 proof.  They only brewed 12 bottles of End of the World, a Belgian blone ale, the price was set at $765 each, and they sold out.

How do you drink it?  In their words: "This 55% beer should be drank in small servings whilst exuding an endearing pseudo vigilance and reverence for Mr Stoat. This is to be enjoyed with a weather eye on the horizon for inflatable alcohol industry Nazis, judgemental washed up neo-prohibitionists or any grandiloquent, ostentatious foxes."

And the significance of this beer? "The impact of The End of History is a perfect conceptual marriage between art, taxidermy, and craft brewing. The bottles are at once beautiful and disturbing – they disrupt conventions and break taboos, just like the beer they hold within them.  This beer is an audacious blend of eccentricity, artistry and rebellion; changing the general perception of beer one stuffed animal at a time."  For more information on BrewDog, go here.

 


Geek Shirt

Heat Scale Shirt

We are celebrating the 98th anniversary of the invention of the Scoville Heat Scale in our show shirts this year.  These are the backs of the shirts.  The front features the show logo and the date and location of the show.  A big thanks to Lee Robinson for tracking down the only known image of Wilbur's face, which he found in a college yearbook.  And to art directory Lois Manno for the designs.  For the first time in history, you don't have to come to the show to get a shirt.  We have partnered with Chile Traditions to retail them by mail order.  All you have to do is go here to order them.  Have fun!


BirthDave Card Sets Off Verbal Tsunami

Posted by: Dave DeWitt

Tagged in: humor , entertainment

 

BirthDave Card First, Harald Zoschke in Germany sent me the hilarious card at the left after asking me to model the 'Bhut Jolokia' tie.  This imagery caused a ruckus among my female friends, ranging from "OMG! That is one for the archives!" (Martha "Body Bueno" Doster), to "Are those your real boobs?" (Lois "Cave Dweller" Manno) to "There are so many things that are just wrong with this pic, Dave!" (Melanie "Cold Water" Yunk).  I replied, "But I love my new panties, my new nail color, and my implants."  Then I emailed the card to Pat Chapman, the King of Curries in England, and he sent the following report about our upcoming event, "The Pope of Peppers Meets the King of Curries," in London on May 16.

 

Reuters, London, 0922 GMT; 02-05/2010

Sales of Sports Illustrated soared as tens of thousands of extra copies were printed to cope with astonishing demand following the near exposure of America's latest sex icon, the Pope of Peppers.  The magazine owners admitted that they had never known anything like it, and that the cover design would be nominated for the 'Less is More' Award.  

Security was stepped up to hold back the crowds of adulating admirers who took to the Miami seas in boats of all shapes and sizes in the hope of catching sight of the new icon. Wearing his new papal uniform aboard a cruise ship of hot repute, the Pope revealed he has tied up a deal with the King of Curries in England, which will result in a visit there in May following his highly awaited tour of Italy.  

Asked how this would affect relationships with the Vatican, the Pope said "I do not have plans to visit my namesake.  But I hear Benedict will pay a visit to England after my own."  This was confirmed by the Vatican who were obliged to hastily plan their first papal visit to Britain since 1982. The media on both sides of the pond are buzzing with anticipation. Asked how cash-strapped UK would handle two popes in one year, the Bank of England expected to step up its quantative easing to produce the extra finance need to handle the visit. Prime Minister Gordon Brown stated "Printing money is easy.  Providing we don't run out of paper."   President Obama said a decision may be made by the end of his term. British security chiefs said measures will be put in place to handle the expected crowd. "We will bring back our troops from Afghanistan, if we have any left by then."   The palace declined to confirm whether royalty will attend, stating her majesty was not amused, but they did intimate that the King had been alerted.  

When quizzed, the King confirmed that negotiations were ongoing between the Albuquerque papal office and his own regal office in Haslemere, Surrey. They expected to announce a US/UK Fiery Food Pope-meets-King summit soon. "A lot depends on what happens when DeWitt removes that tie," he said. Happy Birthday Pappa.


2009: The Food Year in Review

Posted by: Dave DeWitt

Tagged in: humor

Food Police BadgeWith a tip of the hat to Dave Barry...

January: The Food Police declare that food is carcinogenic and urge people to eat cigarettes.
February: Valentine's Day candies are banned by Iran and North Korea.
March: “Chile” is the most tweeted word in Argentina.  Chile responds by recalling its Food Ambassador.
April: In honor of Rachael Ray, April Fool's Day is extended to a week.
May: A resurgent Tang outsells Budweiser.
June: Low-fat wedding cakes are introduced by Weight Watchers.
July: Congress declares pork barbecue as the official food of Independence Day, ousting hot dogs.
August: To avert bankruptcy, the state of California levies a property tax on vineyards in Oregon.
September: The “Top Chef” Chef of the Year is awarded to the late Colonel Sanders.
October: The Food Police order that Halloween candies be replaced by toasted pumpkin seeds.
November:
“Turkey” is the most tweeted word in Greece.  In retaliation, the Greek parliament suspends grease shipments to Turkey.
December: Spam sales rocket for Christmas after a vaccine is developed for swine flu.

 

 

Food Cartoon


shocking peppersLately the Internet has come alive with images of pepper pods that transcend the bounds of common decency.  Some unscrupulous people are actually posting them in their blogs to drive more traffic!  Imagine!  John Perea of Hot Rod Pickles (yes, a real company name) sent me the image to the left of a tumescent pod that I call "Horny Jalapeño."  Then there are the images of the pods that women love the most, the infamous 'Peter Peppers', and they are flushed red with excitement.  Notice that they are in the hands of a person of the male persuasion.  I'm not sure if that's gay or not.  And finally, my very own co-author and close friend, Dr. Paul Boland, a highly decorated Regent's Professor at New Mexico State University, insisted, over my vehement protests, that we publish a photo of an immature--but precocious--'Peter Pepper' in our new tome, The Complete Chile Pepper Book. The world is going to hell in a garden basket!

 


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